Golden, Silver, and Bronze Ages >> View Thread

Author
Paladin


Location: Prague, Bohemia
Member Since: Tue Apr 06, 2010
Posts: 1,880


This is one of the few S&S films that predates Conan (1982). I recall my uncle showing it to me on VHS as a kid and generally liking it. However, upon rewatching, I can certainly say that nostalgia was no influence here. This is terrible.

The plot is fairly cookie-cutter, but I don't really hold that against it. The quality of filming here looks more like a made for TV movie, with bad cuts and room echoes. The music is some electronic blend of bad video game synth-pop and the sound effects are cartoonish. It was filmed in Britain by uses really bad matte paintings for the exteriors of castles.

Apparently, it has a cult following but I think its in the its so bad its funny catergory.

The plot involves a pair of btothers who fought over a girl. The evil brother, Voltan, is played by Jack Palance who knows he is in a turkey. He scream/rasps about 90% of his lines. His younger brother, Hawk, who looks at least 20 years younger, is played by John Terry, whose face seems capable of conveying exactly one emotion throughout the film. Other than Palance, Terry is the only American among a host of Brits, making his accent stand out, ala Kevin Costner/Robin Hood.

It was originally supposed to be straight historical fiction, but they added in the mindstone, a gem in the hilt of Hawk's sword which makes it fly.

In the plot, evil Voltan kidnaps an abbess and demands a ransom. A loyal soldier goes off to find the only man capable of defeating him, his brother Hawk. Hawk then assembles a superteam of warriors to help him.

These include, a one-handed soldier who fires a crossbow (no idea how that works. Out of all weapons, a bow or crossbow clearly requires two hands).
A giant, who is just a big bald guy standing about 6 foot 4.
A dwarf, who is just a short guy standing around five foot tall.
An elf, who is an archer with perhaps the worst fake elf ears I've ever seen.
A blind sorceress, who actually does all the work. Her magic consists of glowing hula hoops, silly string, glowing superballs (called fireballs) and confetti to make the final fight look as if it was fought in a snow globe.
The heroes also have a tendency of walking away in the middle of her speeches, leaving the poor blind lady talking to no one.
She is listed in the credits as "woman".


Voltan's son gives us the best line: "I'm not a messenger. But I will give you a message...a message of death." He then gets killed.

most amazingly, they even tried to set up a sequel, with Voltan being taken away by a spirit to return.

Most sadly, other than Palance, everybody is taking this one so seriously, as if they think they are making something really profound. Its best to watch this with mates and some beers as its great fun to make fun of.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKUTXTucllA&list=PLNm68F8lHprBvbFipbOngPuBMgdLMVNBD&index=34







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Superman's Pal

Moderator

Member Since: Sat May 17, 2008
Posts: 5,478


That sounds kind of great in a crap way. I've heard the name but I don't think I ever heard anything about it before.

Palance hamming it up sounds fun. He seems to be no stranger to turkeys.

Electronic music? Wasn't a synth score also criticized in Ladyhawke?

Costner wasn't the only Yank in that Robin Hood. Christian Slater, Mary Elisabeth Mastrantonio, Morgan Freeman. As I try to recall the movie, I wonder if Alan Rickman wasn't the only Brit!



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Paladin


Location: Prague, Bohemia
Member Since: Tue Apr 06, 2010
Posts: 1,880


It's a fun watch as its so bad, even for the low standard of 80s S&S.

True about Robin Hood but at least the other actors made attempts at an accent. Costner was just himself. As he was in every other role, to be honest.

The synth score in Ladyhawke, while terrible, is miles above this score. This soundtrack is on the level of a bad video game from the 80s.

But the zany sound effects for everything are even better.


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Ancient One 

Manager

Member Since: Sat May 17, 2008
Posts: 7,645





    Quote:
    Costner wasn't the only Yank in that Robin Hood. Christian Slater, Mary Elisabeth Mastrantonio, Morgan Freeman. As I try to recall the movie, I wonder if Alan Rickman wasn't the only Brit!


Oh no. Brian Blessed is in it, so is Harold Innocent. And don't forget Sean Connery's cameo as King Richard right at the end.


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