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Member Since: Sat May 17, 2008
Posts: 2,932
Subj: Thor Workouts!!!
Posted: Wed Dec 10, 2014 at 03:56:30 pm EST (Viewed 368 times)

Working out at a local gym should not constitute just some mere plain ordinary workouts experience by us Thor fans- like those particularly perform by simple average mortals on this particular physical plane. We train like TRUE gods by visualizing that we're working out with countless tons of Heavy Strange Viking Monuments (that we're never even heard of). So that when you're actually start bench pressing your own car, and a little later bench pressing a Boeing 747 Airplane- and progressing to a B-52 Stratofortress- that should weight just a meager 480, 000 pounds- carrying Hundreds of deadly Atomic Bombs and a few Hydrogen Bombs to boot - in just after just a mere few weeks of heavy duty training and strict Viking diet- you're on your way to greatness- for this is only just an appetizer for things to come. Our principle goal is to lift mighty Mjolnir if we ever have the HONOR to come across such godly weapon. My mind right now is set on bench pressing the Gas Planet called Jupiter in one years time (and please do not bother me with all these LITTLE DETAILS about Jupiter's HEAT and RADIATION that would probably fry anyone about approximately million miles away from the Planet ; or the Incredible ENORMOUS Gravity that has probably crushed its core to liquid metal and all that ridiculous next to Nothing nonsense stuff- because been worthy is all there is). If NASA with their supposed mortal scientists observed the Gas Giant moving up and down in a violent fashion in the near future- and want to scare the local population with fear and dread of some supposed mysterious and imminent Cosmic impending Doom, DO NOT BE ALARM- it's just me doing some heavy duty Planet shaken workout in preparation to lift mighty Mjolnir if the situation arises. Right after lifting the Giant Planet, I think I will take a well deserved brief nap (a siesta) in the Planet Neptune to relax in the middle of the 900 miles per hour Hurricane winds....

My final goal is to borrow one of them fallen Alien space ship from Area 51 and take a quick journey to the Super Massive Black Hole at the center of our Galaxy. Throw some perfectly good long chain (that you can buy at local Home Depot department store) at that sucka, and actually pulled the Black Hole towards me. For why should a Black Hole be the only thing in the Universe that can pull stuff with UNIMAGINABLE Gravitational force with impunity? Let's see who wins this tug of war contest between a Super-Massive Black Hole that can literally spin and drag countless THOUSANDS Super-Giant Suns around as fast at literally the speed of Light, or yours truly. Thus, when I finally accomplish this task, I'm sure I could MAYBE be 1% sure I might be worthy of Mjolnir. At least something is better than nothing, don't you think?

Right now, at this juncture, I'm taking a trip to Japan to train my abs (hanging upside down) on top of the fastest Train in the world- at more than 300 miles per hour- to make sure I'm truly worthy of having a ripped to shreds 12 pack abs- for to be TRULY Worthy of Mjolnir 6 or 8 pack abs are NOT enough!!!

After that, I will do about a 1000 pull ups on outside the fastest flying vehicle in the world- the Space Shuttle clocked at just a mere 17, 500 miles per hour. For I need to develop my wrist strength/power to another level once I have Mjolnir in my hands, and the incredible speed and friction won't stop me from completing my set. Also, my lats should be as wide as Asgard itself for the purpose of causing great fear on all my enemies.

In other words, you must be truly dedicated and very humble like the Thor and Odin in the vid below in order to achieved such a prize:

Remember, we're not Hulk fans, who believe that a bunch of gamma radiation makes one worthy- like them bodybuilding people, or baseball players, etc. who takes Steroids and Human growth hormones to elevate their strength, muscle size and stamina. There people usually suffer from roid rage just like the Hulk. However, the question remains- Did the Hulk and all these people earned those physical attributes by being worthy? Of course not!!! Which implies that most of Hulk fans worship a cheater!!! Oh, by the way the same thing goes with this so-called New Thor- Girl- did she actually earned the right to lift Mjolnir by performing one Heroic deed after another as Thor did ages ago?

Also, did the Surfer earned his Cosmic Powers when there're were countless billions and billions of sentient beings that probably were much more worthy than him? That would've just as easily given their life for their Planet as well= like would most of the population of Asgardians? All of the sudden, this bald headed freak is shooting Cosmic blast all over the freaking place like he somehow earned that might? This reminds me of people who are looking for employment, and they get hired on a high level position (w/o starting at the bottom) by knowing someone from the inside. Ladies and gentlemen, all these kinds of Hand Outs type of Corruption and Nepotism must stop once and for all!!!

However, it gets much, much worse than that- when many fans are actually awed and COMPLETELY taken back to the point that they literally fall on their back in an absolute astoundment by an Alien who was raised on a farm and can concealed himself by just putting on a mere pair of glasses and acting dumb!!! I kid you not!!! What the hell is this world is coming to? What's more, they actually think that he should have more will-power and should a better Super-Hero than one that had to earn his worth by fighting for his life and performing heroic deeds thousands of times in the process of saving many countless of lives along the way (For Odin, being his father, did not took it easy on Thor- not even one bit). For Odin wanted all the Asgardians to know that Thor truly deserves his status by having him risk his neck many times over. And, also by the way, was initially trained as a warrior as a child by the best Asgardian fighters to battle all kinds of evil. I'm just so completely flabbergasted by the whole freaking thing...

In fact, DC has made appear that Wonder Woman fell in love with Superman, because they know that Thor should be the ONLY One to rightfully spank that booty. When WW lifted Thor's hammer in that crossover years ago, she's never been the same. That's probably why Busiek sneakily kept Thor away from Wonder Woman in the JLA/Avengers crossover. Wonder Woman has been SEQUESTERED by DC and LITERALLY force to have a romance with (a high intellectual IQ dude that actually thinks that some freaking darn glasses fools everyone) Superman- an Alien who never trained and fought as a warrior as WW did- and who have ABSOLUTELY nothing in common with her. Ladies and Gentlemen, Wonder Woman wants to escape her contractual obligation with DC and go over to Marvel and be with Thor and his hammer, just the three of them!! So go to- www Wonder Woman wants to be with Thor and his hammer. com- and save Wonder Woman from this contractual nightmare and a real boring life with a four eyes alien freak!!

So, now at this very minute go to your gym this instant, or buy a Big Hammer at your local Hardware store if you can't, and start pumping up. Being WORTHY is all there is, and you have to truly earn this boys and girls. It doesn't matter about those poor souls that gets in your way when you're lifting weights, or swinging your hammer- just chalk it up to collateral damage- and then let the Universe tremble before your might!!!

Hammer training workouts:

For beginners:

A little more advance:

More advance level:

Really advance:

And soon you will able to do this:

Personally, I don't know which of these two hammers should I get for myself:

This One:

Or this One:

Also, don't think for a minute that Thor female fans should not be out to a similar test. Just check out Thor's daughter below (she actually lifted hundreds of pounds over the top of her head like a true Female Warrior Viking should- see at 7: 50 of the video below):

heck, she even beats Fortunato; which isn't something easy to do:

Annie vs the NFL in push ups? No problem:

Note: There's a Cross fit competition free on demand if you have Comcast- you'll be able to see Thor's daughter there.

In fact, she SHOULD be the One to lift Thor's hammer as far as females are concerned!!!

Maybe, she should stop by Marvel HQ and ask, what's up with all these bad portrayals of Thor in the comics, animations and his latest movie of Thor TDW? If they don't give a satisfactory response and start spinning (which we all know they will), she should Bench press Tom Brevoort and the rest of the gang!!! Anyway, I would like to ask her for some pointers on how to do proper bicep curls with Mt Everest in the near future (I don 't believe that I would have a problem lifting the mountain from its foundation whatsoever), but as of right now I'm heading to Hawaii to should press some Volcanoes there. I just hope I don't cause any unnecessary panic among the local population when I Military press some of the Island Volcanoes; and hope I don 't cause any unforeseen catastrophe... But been Worthy is all there's to it- AND THAT'S THAT!!! AND NOBODY IS GONNA STOP ME NOW , JACK!!!

Thus, we must train like real Viking warriors to be Worthy. So put your Viking Helmet on, go to your nearest Gym and get cracking!!! Besides, I've said enough already, or do you think I have all day to be writing stuff like this...?


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