Personally I hate when the heroes lie to their loved ones about their secret identities.
How many of Spider-Man's loved ones have paid the price (or their own loved ones have paid it) because Peter likes to keep secrets?
If Barry gets around to sleeping with Patti then I think he should tell her. If they never get serious...well then he should let her go and just never tell her.
Problem is that Patti is not stupid and she is suspicious of things and the lies that Barry and Joe tell her.